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When you don’t Know Enough

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus

Cradle Of Hope

I have been perusing my list of pending blog posts and thinking through why I haven’t posted them yet.🤔Well, sometimes… no, most times, I really don’t think I am well equipped to handle some topics. 😅Its funny how all those topics are inspired by God Himself and not me, but still…🤷🏾‍♀

This is where I go ahead and share a confession that you might relate with; Sometimes I sit down and look at the things that God is calling out of me and my immediate excuse for turning them down is that I don’t know enough. My bubble was burst when I realised that I will never get to know enough.

I remember severally turning down His instruction to start a blog just because I didn’t know what I’d write.
I remember not replying an urgent text that I should have just because I didn’t know what to say.

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‘Sense will always have attractions for me’…

It is a truth universally acknowledged that gentlemen, who aspire to attain sufficient success and achieve their God given purpose in life, must attend to the serious business of contriving material, spiritual and social security. Needless to say, they ought to exert themselves with all the discipline and ardor of mind they can muster in the pursuit of such a noble goal. Further they are best advised to address themselves to such exercise at an early age. This goes on a long way in preparing them to counter the blizzards that so often beset their chosen path. In short you can live the life you want, but be prepared to pay the cost and you had better start early.

Recently an acquaintance whom I hold in the highest esteem celebrated her 20th birthday. At the time I was reading the book Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen (explains a lot I know). In light of the event, I sought to understand and find out what turning 20 would mean for me and what exactly I expect of myself and surrounding society. By now, If you read this blog, you already know where I am going with this. A major reason for why turning 20 elicits great felicity on my part is because it is at this time that my life objectives, goals, desires, ambitions and whole constitution come into serious play. It is a very significant time in which I am laying down ambition, strategy and dreams and then chasing after them with the alacrity of ten.

After a spirited and brutal self evaluation, one thing is clear: I am a sluggard in the business of self-command and use of time. There are times I do something meaningful like read my party manifesto, then bicker with people over the internet (who I will never see) and who hold a contrary political opinion. Then proceed to join my party leader and thousands of other loyalists in engaging in peaceful picketing and demonstrations (well no so peaceful). Please understand. On other days I would simply sit on the balcony watching vehicles cruise past on the Southern bypass. I must say people who often use that road have some of the finest vehicles in Nairobi. Thing is, I tend to have a lot of time on my hands and  never really know what to do with it.

Now pursuant to the intermittent periods of meditation, I have since resolved to change on most things as I gear up to this “defining moment”. Strictly construed, my top priorities are the elusive graces of sense and sensibility. Everything I do should have a sense of sensibility or rather sensibly make sense. At this point I don’t really know what I am saying but I’m sure you understand. Purpose gives perspective and precision to everything. Everything I do must largely be intentional and aligned with my purpose, values and goals. Even when I fail at it, I will have learned how not to do it. I will watch the kind of friend and acquaintance with whom I associate. We all know bad company corrupts good morals.

‘a young man of twenty is not in general so earnestly bent on being busy to resist the solicitations of his friends to do nothing’ (emphasis added).

My bible has particularly been instrumental in this undertaking.

Ephesians 5:15-16

See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil.

Making the most of my time means having to stop senseless talk even if I am married to it, seeking and always giving top consequence to the good and welfare of others even when I am opposed to it and doing what I must do despite my emotional disposition or inclination, in short- when it doesn’t feel like it (that is one thing that as a Christian I like about the Bible: It always reads you). Every minute of the day counts. Every opportunity matters. I choose to make the most of it.

The pleasantness of an employment doesn’t always evince its propriety…Elinor Dashwood, Sense and Sensibility.

In the prevailing period before August the 14th, I might as well put some of these things into practice so I wouldn’t have to struggle in their observation like most people who peg the effectiveness of their resolutions as contingent on the first minute of a new year.

‘I shall divide every moment between music and reading. I have formed my plan, and am determined to enter on a serious course of study’…Marianne Dashwood, Sense and Sensibility.

I will to the best of my ability pursue this noble ambition, retaining the hope that it will no doubt pay off. I should think the grace of subtle and noble use of time to be key among the many other hallmarks of every gentleman (which I leave to you to find out) and the mark of transition to adulthood.

 “…..that is what a young man ought to be. Whatever be his pursuits, his eagerness in them should know no moderation and leave him no sense of fatigue.”

Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen

Now go read the book. Haha.



So now over the last few days I have been engaged in deep thought and reflection especially about what the future holds for me and should I add, what I hold for it. Well it is expected of a gentleman my age to give consequence to such patterns of mental activity whilst retaining the silent hope that the crystallization of these dreams and goals is of the imminence. It is especially difficult to successfully maintain high spirits and motivation in going after your dreams and especially when you hear that a new E63 AMG Mercedes Benz was involved in an accident in which 2 pedestrians were injured. What were they doing on the road anyway? And did they have to wait for that particular machine so they jump onto its path? (How is that relevant? You tell me). These are some of the things that discourage your pursuit for success alongside minor constants in life like flanking one’s soul with pathetic, plastic and bogus friends or entertaining the graces of wanton slack and outright laziness or better still, embracing and keeping a loser mindset in facing the blizzards of life which attend everyone’s path.

The other day I was walking home from school in the society of a friend (a lady of course. I’m not particularly excited about the maendeleo ya wanaume campaign) and was lost in deep conversation with her about our life dreams and goals. Now this is totally unnecessary but I will nonetheless say it: I am a gentleman of sufficiently elegant breeding who has learnt the grace of patience with other people and letting others receive first consequence. Sike. I am a Leo alpha male of the first pedigree and heaven help you if you try to compete for my attention. Anyways on this rare occasion I let her tell me all about her desires and dreams and what she was doing to get there. Listening to her I got the sense that her ambition was bound to hit an all time high where life would furnish nothing greater. However this colloquy that lasted the intended distance got me thinking in the same spirit about my life, where I wanted to go and what it is exactly that I want to do.

mercedes_benz_e63_amg_black_by_lubifera        M-B-ML63-AMG-logo

Now, I am a born-again, spirit filled, grace taught and perpendicularly heaven bound Christian whose life is dictated by a relationship with Jesus and the constitution (Bible) of my country, heaven for which I am an ambassador. Genius don’t you think. Lol. So as protocol would have it, I sought for official communication from Jesus as regards the matter in question. You know the way ladies ask you, “Mkubwa, what are we to each other? Or DTR (Define The Relationship)’- I got that one from Ernest Wamboye (God bless you brother). Another famous one: ‘what are your plans for us?” The kind of questions even a straight 4.0 GPA score would shirk and shy from answering. And while we are on the subject of professions of affection, I have been reading Pride and Prejudice the Novel, by Jane Austen. In it have found some lessons which I don’t think are of any particular importance but which in my considered opinion bear all the hall marks of gold and for which I will nonetheless state:

  • It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a good wife. (That’s how the book starts).
  • “…but he may never do more than like her if she does not help him on…” (those ladies who act hard to get when you know you like him…lol)
  • “Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance. If the dispositions of the parties are ever so well known to each other or ever so similar beforehand, it does not advance their felicity in the least. They always continue to grow sufficiently unlike afterwards to have their share of vexation; and it is better to know as little as possible of the defects of the person with whom you are to pass your life.” (I also don’t know what this means)
  • “A woman must have a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing, and the modern languages, to deserve the word; and besides all this, she must possess a certain something in her air and manner of walking, the tone of her voice, her address and expressions, or the word will be but half-deserved.” (Self explanatory).
  • “It is usual with young ladies to reject the addresses of the man whom they secretly mean to accept, when he first applies for their favor.” (Refer to point 2).

Where were we again? Oh! Jesus submitted a very convincing answer which inspired me to write this post. Now I am an avid reader and (struggling but progressing with grace) doer of the Bible. The first limb of the answer was the famous verse of Jeremiah 29: 11.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

That alone is sufficient response and assurance to every uncertainty and inquiry a Christian may have. I am however the inquisitive type that will only rest his case after a lot of evidence is given just to settle one fact. Obviously Jesus knew this and undertook to furnish further conviction. I got the impression that I should do a check on past experiences in which I invoked God’s help. Up until now I have recalled past experiences in a bid of trying to unearth God’s involvement in them. The result is incredible. The lesson: If he held and walked with me in the past 7150 days I have lived, then it follows that it is well within his means to take care of me for the remaining years of unparalleled brilliance at law practice, appointment to a government office established in the constitution for a full term, active engagement in ministry of the gospel through music and living a life that would lead others to Christ and make non-believers question their belief in God. Well, that’s how I planned it.

(Today I will not preach about my future wife or family as people around me and those who read this blog already know that sermon.)

It has always been a fact that God’s plans for you are bigger than your own. That statement alone is enough reason to look into the future with the alacrity of ten. Since time immemorial, God has rarely worked with the idea of ‘show it to me now’ or ‘I want evidence’ it has constantly been two words “Trust me”. Period. If there is a lesson I have gleaned from all this is that there is no reason to worry. For big dreams, God has bigger designs and as long as this is constant, Trust him.

I guess all I am trying to say here is just two words: Trust God.

Isaiah 26:3 (KJV) Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.

This is what I know lies ahead.


Turning 19 is a milestone for me. I have achieved many things but know the journey is still long. It requires that I be diligent to Trust God and to be Faithful to Believe. So today at 00:20 am I sat on the concrete outside the servant’s quarters writing this:

blog birthday

“My Father in Heaven, this day and in this night, my heart wallows in gladness and untold gratitude. Looking back and realizing just how faithful thou hast been, thy right hand upholding me in every endeavour I may have duly applied myself to. Just to know that in it all you were there for me makes my joy bound up in my heart know no bounds. To think that even when I thought that you were silent and had forgotten me, still thy grace held me as you worked behind the scenes for my favour. To have watched me grow and walked with me through each and every sorrow and joy that may have attended my path as thou moulded me into who you wanted me to be.

I Trust God.

Today I do not take this milestone for granted. Oh the joy that thy son hath given me after I made the decision to follow him. There were times when he became so real in this life of mine, and times when I could have thought he was away but in which he proved himself as strength of my heart gently guiding me along life’s narrow way. His own dear presence to cheer and to guide. His sweet little voice reminding me “trust me”. My heart is overwhelmed even by the sole fact that my soul hath found rest in thy son.

I Trust God.

This day I make a deliberate choice to heed to thy son. I choose to trust you. With all I am and ever will be by thy grace, I will trust you. I choose to be surrendered to thee and to thine will alone. I choose to believe thy word and rest in the fact that thy grace still teaches me to say no to every ungodliness and thy sweet voice still calls to me gently instructing me to find in thee mine all in all. In thee do I trust. The realization that thou art my shepherd and that thou wilt keep me in perfect peace me whose mind is stayed on thee is all the more reason to trust in thy unfailing love and unending grace.

I Trust God.

Every day I will trust you. I determine to wake up every morning with the knowledge that in being resigned to thy will, thou and thou alone sustains me and that thou wilt have gone ahead of me into the day and will be working it out for me. In this assurance I will fully place my trust. Yes there will be times when I will be tempted to even question thy love, and times when even the greatest of miracles thou hast done for me seen to fade away because of my weak heart. Yet I ask thee in such times to teach me to be confident that thy dear presence will cheer and guide my troubled soul. I recline in the knowledge that thou wilt make straight my paths if only I trust in thee with all mine heart and lean not to my own understanding but rather choosing to acknowledge thee in all my ways.

I Trust God.

For the gifts that thou hast availed to me for the 19 years and the many that thou hast already lined up e’en before the beginning of time, I pray you make me truly thankful, teaching mine heart to be diligent to trust thee.

  • Let me prove thee o’er and o’er again.
  • Teach my song of trust to rise to thee.
  • To know “thus says the Lord”.
  • To take you at your word.
  • To rest upon your promise.
  • Oh for grace to trust you more.


This is the joy of trusting thee and I Cephas Doc (The Cephas), Trust God.